'Fast and Friendly'

I went on a road trip with a friend.
We stopped at a gas station
Because I really had to go.
Can I use your restroom?
I asked the proprietor.
'Sorry we don't have a restroom,' she said.
I knew she was lying.
Of course they have a restroom!

She said I might go next door
To the hardware store, they might let me use theirs.
I was more than a little irritated.
Had to wait for someone who was in there.
Was one of those mop room/storage closet bathrooms.
Industrial waste in more ways than one.
But it was serviceable.
It was useful for my purpose.

I went back to my friend's car.
We drove away from the service station.
When I saw that sign:
Fast and friendly.
You gotta be kidding.
My God, what's friendly about not letting someone use your restroom?
And how is that full service?
Is there any customer service left in this country?
I know it when I see it and it's really rare.

That sign should have a shit stain on it.
That's how 'friendly' they are to their customers.
That's how I feel toward their stupid sign.
People have medical conditions.
Bad kidneys, some people just go a lot.
But that friendly service station,
The only one at the whole freeway exit,
Sticks it out there. They can stick it alright.
That idiotic insulting sign.
Fast and friendly.