Dilemna?

There is a dilemma in whether we should meet
When I might rather stay in and be discreet.
And knowing I have already chosen.
Although I am  plagued with supposin.

Why do I often beat the retreat,
Knowing my victory will not be sweet?
Because although I made a choice,
I do not know if it was my own true voice.

Etymology offers no apology.
Because as it turns out,
The word itself is in doubt.

Some say it's 'dilemna', while others say 'dilemma.'
Potato, po-tahh-toh.
Who knows where the river flows?
Persona non grata.