The fart sniffer chronicles part one

Oswald J Quifflebottom was a fart sniffer by trade. Not to boast too loudly but Oswald was a damn good fart sniffer. No he did not attend an elite fart sniffer college like some of his colleagues but Oswald had the dedication and perseverance for fart sniffing that few possessed. Of late, mere fart sniffing was not enough for Oswald. Oswald had started to feel an emptiness deep in his soul.

Oswald feared there might not be a future in fart sniffing. Yes perhaps one day he could drive the truck that delivered the fart tanks but it could take years before there was an opening. Or maybe he could own his own fart sniffing business but Oswald knew he was dreaming too big. All he knew was he had a knack for it. It wasn't really even something you could teach. Yes he had had a brief training but it ill prepared Oswald for the day to day grumblings and commotion that were the purview of the fart sniffer.

It really made Oswald puff out his cheeks when he thought about how far along he had come as a fart sniffer. With no formal education. In truth Oswald was something of a simpleton but he was passionate and adept at fart sniffing. It really came naturally to him. So why was Oswald so unhappy?

Because he was not one to back down from a challenge, Oswald racked his brain to find a way to be content with his lot in life again. Could he go on as a fart sniffer for the rest of his days? Could he get into upper management in fart sniffing? Could he own his own fart sniffing business? Whenever Oswald was puzzled about something he always found a way to solve his problem. And then it came to him. It was so simple. Oswald would make a list. He would write out the pros and cons of fart sniffing to determine if it was really his destiny or just a crazy pipe dream.

Pros
1) He could make his own hours. Nobody told Oswald he had to sniff farts at the break of dawn. If he wished, he could sniff farts at dinner time. He could sniff farts while he was watching television or surfing online. As long as the farts got sniffed within 48 hours, his employer never complained. How many people had that kind of freedom with their schedule? 

2) Fart sniffing did not require a great deal of physical exertion. You could sniff farts while you were sitting or laying down. You could sniff farts on a bus or an airplane. You could sniff farts virtually anywhere the tanks were delivered to.

3) Fart sniffing paid very well. He hated to be materialistic but quite frankly, fart sniffing paid the bills.  

4) Fart sniffing was at heart an altruistic act. It took a special breed to sniff farts and there were few who were as selfless and robust and and unflagging in their dedication to fart sniffing as Oswald J Quifflebottom. Oswald feared he was giving himself a big head as he wrote this entry but he had to be honest with himself above all.

Cons
Well, there is the obvious one. But someone had to sacrifice in order for humanity to survive and this pleased Oswald. It helped him sleep at night to know that the people of Earth would survive another day due to his perseverance and fortitude in the face of grim and odious fart sniffing. It was not for those with weak constitutions certainly. Not everybody had the stomach for it.