The fart sniffer chronicles part 2

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Fart sniffing became a necessity for society to survive in the year 4999. The population of earth was so great that the very air could not withstand more pressure. The ozone layer was a thin sheet of tissue paper so fragile that even little farts (by this I do not mean the silent but violent but merely farts of no consequence, certainly not milk farts, or bean farts either, I mean just run of the mill farts) could cause the earth to become uninhabitable. The learned scientists conducted tests and determined that farts were threatening life on earth in the worse way imaginable and something had to be done.

The government wanted to make fart sniffing mandatory of course. It was the teeming billions and trillions that made fart sniffing a necessity and the government as usual felt it best to put the burden of fart sniffing on the tax payers. But there was a public outcry as you can imagine. People resented being made to sniff farts. Government's job was to take the burden off the workers, not the other way around. Surely, the government could protect the citizens of the United States and the rest of the people of Earth for that matter from the dangers of farts.

In the end, it came down to matters of equity and fairness as do most issues when you really think about it. There were various factions with a variety of viewpoints. Skinny people didn't feel they should have to smell fat people's farts, for instance. Vegetarians didn't feel they should have to smell meat-eaters' farts. There was so much division as to how to handle the threat of extinction caused by the bloated populace's farts.

Even though Republicans and Democrats were in agreement that farts were a menace to society and even could cause  the extinction of the citizens of Earth (agreeing as they never had about global warming, for instance), they just could not figure a way to tackle the problem. As is sometimes the case with government, when they could not seem to solve anything on their own, they resorted to the public sector.

Big business stepped in to save the Earth from extinction by flatulence. Corporations bailed out the government by spending billions of dollars on research. They tested human beings like lab rats to determine if there were some constitutions that could stomach farts more than others. Into this improbable world stepped our unlikely hero, Oswald J. Quifflebottom.