I call him the contrarian

I call him the contrarian.
A walking mushroom librarian.
And that's not just cause he thinks he's a fun guy.
He has an anecdote for everything under the sun.
He knows a guy who knows a guy.
He is generous with his time and words.
Every private conversation he has overheard.
And thought it pertained to him.

He's got an ineffable charm.
With the power to disarm.
Hope you don't have anything important to do,
Cause he'll talk you till your ears are blue.
He thinks his jokes are funny,
But he's far from Always Sunny!


He's had every vocation.
From bill collector to pseudo veterinarian.
He can tell you the contents of dog poop.
Yes he's kind of a snoop!!
But his true calling is bullshit artist extraordinaire.
In truth my boy would not hurt a fly.
Unless having to listen to him all day caused it to die.
The fly would just look up at him and say, Why, why?

He's like this termite stuck between the floorboards.
I get out my industrial strength vacuum.
But he clings, he clings!
I have to admire his spunky determination.
And his reckless disregard for everyone and everything.